SOoO Jot Spot is feeling lonely? Thus I'm giving it a little love... though I think we should migrate it over to Tumblr, seeing as its my new addiction, not to mention we can post funny stuff easier and faster. Also we can still have a number of authors like here.
Today I got a facebook friend request from a judge...
And that just about did it for me. Goodbye, facebook.
Yeah, so I know I have a habit of deleting my facebook...and undeleting it...and deleting it again...and then making a new one...and then deleting the new one and undeleting the old one, etc... But I think as of today I am officially done.
Either that, or I'm just going to have to create an account using an absurd fake name and only friend the four of you. Because good christ, the last thing I want is for big important people from my job to be looking at pictures of me and my lizard on the internet. The line needs to be drawn somewhere.
By the by, you bitches you should come visit me tomorrow.
Okay so this is just a little funny... cuz, really I'm generally okay. The problem is just feeling special then not, and that isn't specific to the perpetrator here, anyone could have done this to me. None the less... Look at the quote above... then look at what I look like today (not that it really matters for I'll be inside all day with this snow drinking like a classy bitch).
I'm wearing long johns. And like chillin in a beater like some cholo. I look like Chase. Clearly I'm more messy on the inside than I thought, as its showing on the outside. #failsauce LMAO.
One of the most beautiful experiences is seeing the world through the eyes of a mathematician. Visualizing the network of algorithms and patterns in the real world; between the constant truths and the variable possibilities, like a glowing lattice observed only through logic and critical analysis. The mind behind is in constant calculation and investigation, able to catalog and factor into life's equations the most minute of details. The result is an insight unlike any other that is both a curse and a gift, whose dichotomous nature is an infinite oscilating curve towards the latter. ∴, despite the implications of finding proofs of a darker disposition in the surrounding world, remember there is always the majesty inferred by the vision and understanding few can experience and embrace.
They see lies, they see shade, and feel deeper sadness. In the same breathe, they see truth, they see joy, and feel profound compassion. They command logic and intuition, while experiencing hypersensitive emotion in a balance always at war with each other. This is the brilliance that it means to be a mathematician.
Okay, as part of recovery, I'm just going to list a few meme's and other things to just flush the feelings out.
Now I know it all looks and sounds like I was all in love, but no, not nearly so strong a sentiment, I don't think. These just all spoke to the feelings I still had, and I don't want anyone to read into it too much? Its just a release of frustration. Also, there is literally no cohesion. I thought I'd arrange it to have a logical flow, but in the end, this was just how garbled my mind was, so its a perfect representation of the stream of emotions. :-]
"A strong face is still made of flesh." - Julian
"It has been said, time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
"A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended." - Ian McEwan, 'Atonement'
"Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." - Maya Angelou
"You see I usually find myself among strangers because I drift here and there trying to forget the sad things that happened to me." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Sometimes, however, this sense of isolation, like an acid spilling out of a bottle, can unconsciously eat away at a persons heart and dissolve it." - Haruki Murakami
"I am too intelligent, too demanding, and too resourceful for anyone to be able to take charge of me entirely. No one knows me or loves me completely. I have only myself." - Simone de Beauvoir
"I made a list of things I have to remember and a list of things I want to forget, but I see they are the same list." - Linda Pastan, excerpted from 'Lists'
"I know there was something before you. I just cant remember what it was." - I Wrote This For You
"Y cuando llova me entraba el agua hasta el alma." - Julio Cortazar
"Imagine that human existence is defined by an ache: the ache of our not being, each of us, the center of the universe." - Jonathan Franzen
"Even if we could turn back, wed probably never end up where we started. " - Haruki Murakami
"there still might be a place for us somewhere." - Charles Bukowski
"Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
These are actual messages exchanged between me and a guy I found on OKCupid.
First, his profile: I'd save yourself some time and just skip over, im a huge creep, work like 90 hours a week and never leave my apt. after the the soft sell, I grew up in North Jersey, went to school in Tampa lived in Boston and now I'm here in NY. I like sports/movies/cooking and I'm very sarcastic. I have turntables and a basketball hoop in my kitchen, I'm kinda like Tom hanks in big or a mix of Shaun white, redman and Jim carrey. I'm also a hermit
My first message to him: Are you really a huge creep? Because that's totally my type!
You're funny. I could never meet you though because I have to be the funniest, prettiest person in the room at any given time.... clearly I don't get out much.
DEUCES!
His response: Well you are in luck, cause I am a total creep! I am pretty funny, but there's only one way to find out who the funniest!
CAALLLL ME!
Me: Call? Like on a phone? I don't think my phone has a 'talk' option. I only use it for texting, checking facebook and looking for things that could have fallen in small dark spaces, like under the couch.
Him: I dont want to flatter myself but I'm assuming you've found everything under your couch and have time to shoot me a text.....xxx xxx xxxx, you got me in the pretty category but Im hoping I'm the funniest
It's 5am, I can't sleep and I just had a brief conversation with Nate that's making me wonder if I should be looking at apartments with someone this brainwashed.
So evidently, the government should have the right to tell me what kind of lightbulb to use. Coming from someone who is constantly having a shitfit over the fact that "corporations are being treated as citizens", I find it a little odd that he's concerned about the government's rights in the first place. But let's move on.
I did some research and found a lot of shit I do not like about these lightbulbs. But it doesn't really matter to me as much as the fact that they're trying to take away my free choice (I'm sorry, what country is this again?) over something as trivial as a goddamned lightbulb.
Oh, but it's better for the environment. I'm sorry, but that argument strikes the same nerve in me as "Because it's in the Bible!". And the fact that this is coming from the man I want to marry (and who, up until an hour ago, I thought was pretty smart) is kind of hurting.
So skipping the minor inconveniences of fluorescent light (because oh god we should be able to suffer a little discomfort to save the poor fragile planet), I jumped right into the mercury poisoning thing and the fact that they give some people really intense migraines. Now as someone who is allergic to everything, has really weird skin sensitivities and is in general just kind of genetically weak and "special needs," I thought this statement might have an effect. But no. It's worth it in the long run to protect the planet.
...
WHY, BABY, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TO MAKE YOU THIS LAME??
Let me just skip to what I really want to say. I value my freedom of choice and my personal rights. And I'm slowly watching them dwindle over absolute fucking nonsense. But apparently no one agrees with me on this, and by society's standards that makes me wrong. So here's a list of things I think the government should take away from me. Just, you know, for the sake of my best interests.
If you tell me what kind of lightbulb to use, I will fully exercise my right to use it 24 hours a day in every room of my home. So in order to protect me from myself, the government should probably control when I'm allowed to turn on the lights.
I also watch a lot of television, which requires electricity, but the environment is much more important than seeing the end of Dexter, so all things considered, I should be forced to make that sacrifice.
Right now I drive a Corolla, but if no one stops me I'm eventually going to get a huge gas guzzling SUV and drive it up and down Central Ave. all day with no purpose whatsoever. So someone should probably do something about that.
In all seriousness, I actually really like SUV's because they have better visibility, are great for road trips and are more protective in crashes. So really, if someone doesn't federally mandate my use of a piece of shit, lightweight, tinfoil, death trap smartcar, I really will kill the fucking planet.
I use about two Q-tips a day. This is wasteful and I should be able to limit my ear cleaning to once every three days. Someone stop me.
I frequently leave my computer on hibernate instead of turning it off. Why isn't this a crime?
I like having my groceries bagged in plastic so I can use the bags in my garbage can later. Have you ever seen that episode of Futurama where they launch a ball of garbage into space to stop another ball of garbage from destroying the Earth? If the government doesn't step in now, I'm so going to make that happen.
Sometimes I throw batteries right in the trash. They should set up cameras in my home or I'll never stop.
I take really long hot showers in the Winter. Just kidding, there's like no hot water in my apartment. In that one instance, the planet is safe.
Sometimes when I'm cold, I stick a blanket in the dryer for 15 minutes.
I leave the water running when I brush my teeth.
I throw plastic bottles in the garbage all the time.
I take my cooking grease to the beach and pour it right into the ocean.
I use a massive handful of toilet paper when I wipe my ass!
I also shit stonehenge and sometimes it takes 3 flushes to force that sucker down!
I AM A PLAGUE UPON THIS EARTH. DIE, PLANET, DIE!
So in conclusion, if my incandescent lightbulb is really that big of a fucking deal, the government should probably look into whipping up some legislation to do something about my reckless liberal use of Q-tips and toilet paper. Because if protecting our planet is more important than my rights as a hard-working, tax-paying American citizen, then I clearly have too much freedom.
And one more thing for the record...I think people who think they can destroy the fucking planet just by doing what we as humans are programmed to do...need to take a look in the mirror and get the fuck over themselves. You are not that special. The Earth will outlive you.
Blah so we all know I'm obviously toting some baggage these days, but whatever. I was going through some stages the other day, however, and it reminded me of a lovely Robot Chicken skit, a show which almost every day in my life reminds me of. So here are the broken down stages:
Denial:
You deny that the situation is passing. That the inevitable is happening. Hell, you deny that there is even a problem. It is during this stage that you continue on, ignoring any conflict going on inside yourself or around you. #stupidphase
Anger:
I think I'm still here. See, I'm just angry that I even have to go through this. We've been dating in all but name for 5 months. So what is magically supposed to change?! One thing. One thing, will be different. Dating others. Its the only thing that I can see. But I thought we weren't doing that anyway? Whatever, way to metaphorically punch me in the face. #asshole
Bargaining:
This is where you begin pleading to "god," the universe, or any other force believed to rectify the situation; a higher power, or sometimes the person in which you may have conflict. So, I say, lets just be each other's "main squeeze," this way... there isn't full commitment, but none is allowed to take precedence. Like this is going to work out. Have you met me? I'm cray cray. CRAY CRAY. I-will-destroy-anyone-who-goes-near-him. #justsayin'
This is particularly bad because now I feel like I'll force him into not telling me things, or lying altogether... which feeds the crazy more. -_-
Depression:
So obviously, the bargaining didn't work, and thus we segue into depression. This is because an end is near, and no one wants to see things end. Unless its this Twilight phase. So you mope, and you QQ all over the situation. I'm a little bit here. And so... I put it off... but something needs to be done, STAT. #manup
Acceptance:
This is the final stage. You accept that things are no longer hunkey dorey and that something pivotal needs to be done about it. I've come to one of two conclusions... neither of which end the way I'd like? No matter what the next step turns out to be, I plan on basing my decision off of one question. "Why don't you want to date me?" I mean, I asked you already, but your slip shod answer needs extrapolation. I. Must. Know. Why. So quit beating around the bush, not wanting to hurt my feelings, because you already have. Harm is done, so give me the business.
A) This is the most idealistic, but least likely to happen. He will tell me, he just doesn't want to "say" dating and doesn't want everyone to know yet because its so soon after his last breakup and his ex still speaks to him and is crazy. This is, SO not going to happen, and furthermore, its insufficient.
B) I want to still date other people, but I really like you so I don't want to stop talking to you. So... everyone will be getting my sloppy seconds. Meanwhile, he's still looking for more. Great for my self image. Whatever, he can't base his life off my discomfort, but I will not be toted. Guess what, I look like the dough eyed fool after you while you still put it on whomever you feel. #nothanks
If A happens, I'll have to tell him we need to cut back, and get off this track we're on where we cuddle, hold hands, and the whole nine. We will likely not date until he decides to ask me next time.
If B happens, I'll have to walk. Even if he changes his mind as to not "lose" me, its too late. You're feelings are clear, and I will not be the source of some later resentment, besides the fact that down the line it will likely end over this underlying problem, and at that point it will be even more involved.
PS. I think I saw him talking about hooking up with another person? At least that's what my mind saw. There was a text about "hooking up." No I was not snooping, in showing me something, it was on the screen, and my eyes caught that before he could change the content in a shady manner. Sure I have no technical say, but it doesn't sit well with me. I don't like not knowing. Do. Not. Like it.
Okay, here I was thinking, I shouldn't be so hard on people for liking it. I mean sure, its not my cup, and Nicole was (and still is) very right saying that just because its bad doesn't mean its wrong to like it. All things true, but still, I absolutely have to share this:
All things aside, this is not only extremely entertaining, it points out basically every reason why I'm not a fan of the series. Again, not that its wrong to be, but the part of me with higher thinking greatly disapproves of the sheer amount of fanaticism that surrounds Twilight, when it is, quite honestly, undeserving. Bring Charles Dickens to life instead, for christ's sake!
So the holidays are coming up, and needless to say... I'm feeling a bit nostalgic. We haven't really been able to assemble even three of us in the same room together in some time, so it would be nice if we all could make a concerted effort to change that. I say a post/pre Thanksgiving dinner? One that consists mostly of drinks? Kthx -_-.
Now, on to business. I happen to know that Nicole had been having a bit of trouble the other day, mostly due to a habit we all are aware of. I, however, am in the same boat.
Problem:
I have a habit. Habit has a habit. And we can't seem to decide to just do the obvious. This wasn't supposed to develop, but here we are.
Solution:
Twice I've all but suggested what the solution is. The third time I did outright, and was shot down. So, of course, I'm naturally a little mad.
I understand, freedom is a big thing. You deserve it, and should really experience it. I said that at the start. I mean 5 months, today, this has been going on. We've been going down a completely different path in the opposite direction. Unless there is something I don't know?
And now we're at the heart of the frustration. Sure, its probably because I'm insecure. Sure, its probably because I'm jealous. Sure, its probably because I'm bat shit crazy. But, I just don't want to look like a fool. Is that too much to ask? Some concrete reassurance so that I'm not walking around googlie-eyed while public opinion and display are contrary to that? I'm sorry if I'm a little skeptical of people's intentions.
So, I think some framily <3 would be conducive to giving us all a little reprieve and refreshment from our daily troubles. I hope to see you ladies soon enough.
I don't know if y'all knew this but....Tisha is the greatest. Because, who else would come find you, drunk in an empty parking lot, listening to Sugarcult, knee-deep in useless tears, on a Tuesday night? Gold star! Someone's getting an edible arrangement... just saying. Love you!
On the bright side, that thing (and I do mean thing) you've all been telling me not to do but I've been doing anyway... well I'm done. Final straw. But I need everyone's help. Think of it as a heroin addiction. I need help staying motivated this time, because I really and truly want to quit, and stay clean.
When can we all get together for dinner or something?
So as you all know... Ju hates the Twilight series. They are a glorified collection of poorly written books that have destroyed an already overdone genre of fiction. The author is hardly top notch, her writing is, after all, meant for gaggles of 14 year old girls (the age being the key factor here). There is such better fantasy fiction, and it seems that with the imminent close of Harry Potter, Twilight launched to the foreground just so there would be another book craze. Really America? This is what you'll get behind? Harry Potter might not have been the most artfully written, but it was certainly a much better quality than this drivel.
Worse yet, is that the movie adaptation has done nothing to make up for the awful series. They have done their job, no doubt, taking a cast of actors that shrieking tweens will foam at the mouth over, and made a movie that will empty the pockets of their equally mindless mothers who will cart regiments of them in a mini-van to the movies. But the first installment, was a horrid disgrace to 2008 cinema. The display of special effects was disgusting. "Vampires" moving through the air faster than their legs were moving... really? Oh, lets not forget that they actually kept the concept where they glittered in the sunlight. Dangerous for them, huh?
All things aside, the movies have apparently improved, though they kept Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner (who is only good for what's from the neck down). This hardly makes much of a step up. Kristen's - uh, um, oh, um, eh, uh, um, oh, ah, ee, uh, oh *trembling*- acting is hardly that, and of course the least attractive, Robert Pattinson, is probably the only decent one of the lot. Though much of it is making "I'm going to eat you," eyes at Kristen, he - at least - has a personality in real life.
Suffice to say, I'm a little upset I'm being partly cowed to the next movie this Wednesday that is slated to be released the Friday after. My would have been ex-coworker has bribed me with movie boozing for accompanying her to this disaster waiting to happen. I'll be drunk. There will be tweens everywhere. I will likely go with a bomb strapped to my chest... so I guess I will be looking forward to the event. Nothing like the smell of singed tweens to take the edge off of the annoyance their mere presence stirs.
Also, someone said this and it pretty much made my day:
"Dear Stephanie Meyer,
I understand. I too wrote a bad romance.
Sincerely,
Lady Gaga"
Needless to say, this person is my hero.
PS. I wish gifs worked on here. I'd be having a field day.
"Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
